Music has been the main interest in my life since I was in the 4th grade. That was when I began to study the clarinet. It wasn't until high school that I began studying singing "seriously". When I got to college, I dropped out of band and made voice my only instrument. I loved it! I was chosen to sing in musicals, to sing solos in choral works and to sing in numerous choral groups. When I left Everett Community College and went to the University of Puget Sound I was accepted into the Adelphian Concert Choir. There I began an entirely new and exciting experience in the study of voice and music. Singing literally took me all over the world, singing the great music of history.
In 1975, I graduated from UPS and took a teaching position in Eastern Washington. For the next 30 years I taught all sorts of music classes (vocal, instrumental, band, choir, high school, elementary, etc.). All during my teaching career, I always made time for singing. I sang in church, I sang at school, I gave recitals and concerts every chance I had and loved every minute. And in 1980, I completed a Master of Music degree--- in Vocal Performance. Over the years I was often hired to sing with symphony orchestras and large choral groups. I appeared in small operas and many musicals. It was all so very fulfilling and satisfying!
This coming January, I will be involved in a production of Amahl and the Night Visitors. This is an hour-long opera telling the story of a crippled boy and his mother who are destitute and how they are visited by the three magi on their way to see the Christ child and the miracle that takes place. I sing the role of King Kaspar and it is always a lot of fun. I portray the King a little differently than most other tenors and I really feel good when it is done.
This will be my final singing engagement, though. Over the last 10 - 12 years my voice has gotten more and more "out-of-control". I have lost a great deal of vocal control and agility and am now at a point that I know I must retire. Many, many folks have encouraged me to continue to pursue therapy, treatment, voice lessons, and the like. I have done this and have found no improvement. I have finally decided that I would be happier not singing than to continue knowing that I am not even close to doing a good job.
I have fought a deep sense of loss for the past 5 years because I have missed singing more and more. I miss the "feeling" of the voice in my head. I miss the pursuit of beauty and artistry. I miss the camaraderie that comes with the extensive rehearsal and toil of learning a difficult choral work with other like-minded musicians. I miss the euphoria that comes after a performance that went well. I miss the perspective of the performer--I love being on stage!!!
There really was never much of a chance that I was going to become a "great" singer, like a Pavarotti or a Björling or a Gedda. But I loved every opportunity that I got to perform. I loved every compliment that I received and I was grateful to God for allowing me to bring joy to those who received it in my performances.
Now I am going to be saying "Adieu" to singing. Again, I thank God for all the chances that were mine to perform. This journey was never only about me. There were so many people that were directly responsible for any success that I enjoyed: Ed Aliverti, Frank Demiero, Ted Wahlstrom, Bruce Rodgers and Margaret Myles. I met so many wonderful friends; some of these friendships having lasted a lifetime: Scott Baker, Michael Delos, Tom Lafferty, Cameron Griffith and my very special musical soul-mate, Linda Purcell Nye.
After January, I will sing no more. But I will still be enjoying music. I am planning to continue doing some conducting. There is still work to be done, presenting the Patrick Castro "Excellence in Vocal Music Award" concert each year. There are many concerts and shows to attend and quite a few former students who are performing in those concerts and shows.
Life is a constant evolution and my routine is continually growing and changing. But giving up singing will be the toughest task yet. The urge is still in me but the ability has "left the building".
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can,
and wisdom to know the difference. Amen
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